In the beginning

Hello Everyone,

This is my first blog. So let’s get this straight from the very beginning. I’m not a writer, so my grammar and spelling my be off at times. Please forgive me, I do try my best. Also these are my own personal opinions on things or feelings or thoughts. Please do not bash me for what I think, simply if you do not agree with me, then move on. I’m not here to debate anything. I find most people get their ideas from some sort of media that is usually telling half the facts or is leaning to one side of an issue, so lets keep it out of here. With that off my chest. Let me tell you a little about myself.

I’m 29 years old. I live in the great state of Alaska in the best city in Alaska, Anchorage. Although some in my circles would disagree and say that it’s Juneau or Wasilla or some small town like that. ;P

I have lived in Alaska for 25 years. I grew up here and attended school here in Anchorage. Graduated from Steller Secondary School 06/06/06. Most people would read this as an omen, so watch out Anchorage. From High School, I attended UAA and started with the Pilot Program then switched to the Aviation Management side of it (not air traffic control). I didn’t finish college but moved on to working for Blockbuster, then Fred Meyer to know Credit Union 1.

So as you can tell none of my school qualifies me to be a philosopher or know everything there is to know. But I have had some life experiences and I like to observe the world around me and come up with my own opinions and feelings about things. I hope you enjoy it and maybe take a little out of it.

Valentine’s Day

Hi everyone,

I know it’s been a while since I wrote anything. I’ve been trying to figure out my life, like most of us are. But I thought I would take some time and stop and reflect on this day. On Valentine’s day you either love it or you hate it. It’s easy to understand why people would love Valentine’s day. Flowers, gifts, cards, dinner, etc. What’s not to love about a day that celebrates love. Yeah we should be showing our love every day of the year and we do, it may not be flowers and gifts, but it’s smaller things that we don’t even think about. Washing the dishes so our partner doesn’t have to do it, sitting down and listening to the bad day someone has had, maybe handing over the remote and watching that chick flick that we don’t really care about watching but we do it anyways because we know it will make her happy. This day just gives us an added bonus to all that love that we show already. Nothing wrong with that.

For me it’s hard to imagine someone not liking this day. But I guess it happens, breakups and failed marriages and the proposal happened on valentines day (big mistake guys- do not propose on a holiday or birthday), being alone, maybe you didn’t get valentines gifts from your crush when you were younger or didn’t get any at all. My favorite is it’s a holiday created by the greeting card company. WRONG!

If we go back and do a little research we find that the word Valentine actually dates back to AD 235–284. Valentine was a priest who served during the third century in Rome. When Emperor Claudius II decided that single men made better soldiers than those with wives and families, he outlawed marriage for young men. Valentine, realizing the injustice of the decree, defied Claudius and continued to perform marriages for young lovers in secret. When Valentine’s actions were discovered, Claudius ordered that he be put to death. So we celebrate the death of Valentine who helped young lovers escape going to war.

But why February 14th? More research shows that in normal Christian form, to overlap over pagan holidays to convert them to Christianity, the Christians placed the St. Valentine’s feast day in the middle of February in an effort to “Christianize” the pagan celebration of Lupercalia. Celebrated at the ides of February, or February 15, Lupercalia was a fertility festival dedicated to Faunus, the Roman god of agriculture, as well as to the Roman founders Romulus and Remus. Lupercalia survived the initial rise of Christianity but was outlawed as it was deemed “un-Christian” at the end of the 5th century, when Pope Gelasius declared February 14 St. Valentine’s Day.

It wasn’t until the middle ages that the day became associated with love. During the Middle Ages, it was commonly believed in France and England that February 14 was the beginning of birds’ mating season, which added to the idea that the middle of Valentine’s Day should be a day for romance. The valentines day greeting goes back as far as 1400’s. It wasn’t until the 18th century that gifts and greetings were being exchanged between lovers and friends and by 1900 printed cards began to replace written letters due to improvements in printing technology. Ready-made cards were an easy way for people to express their emotions in a time when direct expression of one’s feelings was discouraged.

So as we can see, this is not a day created by the greeting card company but a day that dates back even further before there were greeting cards.

What’s wrong with having another day on the calendar that promotes love? We have Christmas that reminds us not only of the birth of the Savior but what he means to the world and the love that we should be showing our fellow man. Why can’t we have another reminder like Valentine’s day to help us remember that we should show love to others around us? We as humans have a hard time remembering that we should show love to each other. It’s one of our flaws in our system. Sometimes we need that reminder.

Happy Valentine’s Day!

Difficult Time

This is for those of you that are going through a difficult time right now. The road may seem dark right now and you may not know which way to go because of the darkness. But if you keep walking and don’t stop, the darkness will start to fade and the light will start to shine again. Right now you are just in the darkest part of the forest, where the trees are so close that no light can get through. But the forest can’t last forever, there has to be an edge to the forest. So keep walking and you will find the way out. Just pray and you will find the light.

John 8:12

Again Jesus spoke to them, saying, “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will not walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.”

You are amazing

Today was a long and hard day for me and probably anyone that dealt with me today. I was really down on myself for really no reason and snapping at people or being mad at them for no reason. I got into a disagreement with my girlfriend where I kept downing myself. I would say I wasn’t smart or I didn’t know anything, or implied I was a failure at just about everything. But then she said something to me that made me think for a bit. She told me that I was amazing. Even after the horribleness I put her through. She also said that God created me and God doesn’t make mistakes. It’s true he doesn’t make mistakes. So we all need to remember that we are here for a reason and we may not be successful like the billionaires or smart like Einstein but we are who we are and we are each amazing be cause we were created by God!

Beauty

Hey everyone,

I know that I have talked about this before and it is the perception that we all have about what is beautiful. The reason this is such a hot topic for me, is because in my life there are two women that have a hard time believing they are beautiful.

The first lady is older than me. Not by a lot but still older and has a family. She works hard and and deals with the ups and downs of being a single mother sometimes to a teenager that wants his freedoms. She also is dealing with somethings medically. She doesn’t fit into the cookie cutter image of what the advertising industry considers beautiful. (She will kill me later for sure when I say the next few lines) She may not be thin and tall, she may not have an hour glass figure or the clearest skin at times (to be honest I am 30 and still deal with acne) but just because she doesn’t fit what everyone has been told is beautiful doesn’t mean she isn’t beautiful.

The other woman was raised and told constantly that in order to be beautiful that she had to look a certain way, well because she doesn’t look that way she has hard time seeing the beauty that is her. (She may kill me as well after I say my next sentences) She may not always have every hair in place or make up on point all the time, she may not be feeling well and doesn’t feel like putting in make-up and likes to wear baggy hoodies. She may not be thin or super tall. But that’s ok, she is still beautiful even if she doesn’t fit into this cookie cutter image of what beautiful is suppose to look like.

More and more actress of hollywood are realizing that what has been happening is wrong, more of them are coming out and showing that beautiful is who you are exactly, you don’t have to look a certain way or have a certain body type to be beautiful.

So to all the women and men out there and to the two ladies in my life. Go out there and live life and own how you look right now. Don’t be afraid to get your pictures taken, so what that some may come out goofy looking, that’s ok, the point is to have fun and have stuff you can look back in and laugh at. Go out and wear that outfit you’ve been looking at. Go out and live life and not worry about what others think about you.

God created you and God doesn’t make mistakes. So you are perfect and beautiful in every way, every day, at every moment.

Test

Hey everyone. I know it’s been a while since I wrote anything. Unfortunately ideas don’t come as fast as I thought they would. But I thought I would give some thoughts tonight before I write my weekly handwritten letter to my girlfriend.

So this thought involves dating…..

Why is it that dating can’t be simple? Why can’t it be, go on dates, hang out, get to know each other, decide how you feel about that person, decide if you want to date more, fall in love, marry, etc? Now some of you probably just thought, isn’t that how it is already? Actually it’s not, there is more to it than that.

Now I could say now a days dating has become more complicated but cause I don’t have a lot of experience in dating, nor did I live a long time ago, I am not able to say that dating has changed in the aspect I’m going to talk about or not.

The aspect I’m going to talk about is the test couples put each other through. It seems that each party involved has some type of challenge or test they want to put the other through to see if they pass or not before they decide if they want to commit. The first one right off the bat is the friend test. This seems to be in every relationship. You have to be introduced to the friend and if they like you then you may have a shot, sometimes it can be multiple friends. Why do we do this? Is it because we are blinded by our own like and excitement for the person we can’t make our own judgment call? Why can’t we just say, I know we have been through a lot, I really do value your opinion, but I really do like this person. I know you don’t, but I need you to support me in my decision? As free thinkers, we rely a lot on the opinions of others to decide how we should live our lives.

The next test is usually the family test. I can understand this, but this too needs to be careful. Sometimes family members can hold a lot of prejudice depending on the situations. Example, the dad is a real man’s man. Rough and tough and has the idea that any man brought home should be just like him, but you met a guy who is more of a geek. Now this geek guy is going to have to prove in this test that he is the best for the daughter. Once again if this test isn’t passed it could be the end of the relationship even if you really like the guy. But because we can’t make our own decisions and decide if we want to be with someone without offending our family a little then we miss out and once again have to sacrifice.

Couples also put people through test because of what has happened in the past. People feel that unless they can test these people then they believe they will do the same as what happened in the past.

But why do we do this? Why do we have to do test just to prove to our heart what we feel? Maybe it’s time that we rewrite how we date and focus on the two people who are dating instead of trying to go to the outside and have our opinions made by people that are not our heart.

Tease

I know I said a while back I was working on something special. So I decided to share a little with you. This is a rough draft and only a sample of what I’m working on. So I hope you enjoy.

 

I sat there at my laptop in the small cafe, like I had done a thousand times before. I had found this little haven when I was working on my bachelors. I had spent many days just sitting in the cafe, drinking coffee and watching the people come and go about their busy lives as I tried concentrating on the assignments in front of me, the smells of the pastries and the coffee that seemed to soothe the mind and soul made this place my own little paradise from the hustle and bustle of the busy world. This probably wasn’t the best place for me to do my work because I loved to people watch. I could sit for hours and observe everyone wondering where they were coming from and where they were going. After a while I noticed that it was always the same people in the cafe. There never seemed to be anyone new. It must have been because it was kind of tucked away from the busy streets, so unless you accidently came across it or you looked it up on the internet, you would have never have known it was here.

Today was a little different. I had a new assignment that was given to me by my pushy friends. I was contemplating which photo I should use for my profile photo. I was trying to get back into the dating game after my wife had left me over a month and a half ago. It was difficult to try and figure out the best way to do it or if I really wanted to do it, after 5 years of marriage and you come home to find your wife is leaving you, can leave a man broken and wanting give up on love. But I decided why not, here I was 29 years old and there was really no need for me to sulk over what I couldn’t change anymore. I decided my best bet was to try the online thing again, after all that’s how I met my ex. But it all came down to the photo I was going to use, to show all the woman what a great catch I would be.

As I searched through my photos on my laptop trying to find the perfect one, my mind started to wander again. I started to think back to my childhood. How much fun and easier it seemed. The only thing I had to worry about was getting my homework done and how much later I could stay up to play video games or watch tv. That was the good life. Why can’t we do that as an adult? Why do we all have to grow up and be serious?

As my mind came back to reality, I had a sudden uneasy feeling come over me, like something or someone was watching me. I hadn’t noticed the person in the corner before. I was sure they weren’t there a moment ago. From my seat I could see everyone that came and left that little cafe and I was sure that person never came in the door. They sat there with a news paper held up in front of them, but I was sure they had been staring at me, watching my every move. I couldn’t see their face but by the way they were dressed, I could tell they didn’t belong here. Almost everyone that came to this little hole in the wall cafe was dressed in their, how would I put it? Their “Boho” fashion. I tried my best to blend in with my tight jeans and sweatshirt but this person didn’t even try. They sat, their legs crossed in their black pinstripe suit and what I can only guess as Italian made shoes. They definitely stuck out, in a place like this.

I went back to my photo searching but kept an eye on this person in the corner. I must have sat there for about half an hour searching through these stupid photos contemplating each one.  This was going to be harder than I thought. I didn’t like any of them, none of them reflected the new me. But I wasn’t going to give up hope. As I continued to search, I noticed something odd about my friend in the corner. This entire time of them sitting there, not once had they turned the page of their news paper. Either they were an extremely slow reader of something wasn’t right and just thinking this made my hair on my arms stand up.

I looked at my watch and realized how late it was getting and I needed to be somewhere. I gathered up my stuff and headed for the door. As I walked out and headed for my car at the end of the parking lot, something I did often because it helped me get more exercise in. As I got to my car, I got that weird feeling again, like I was being watched. I walked the last remaining steps to my car, opened the back door and threw my stuff on the seat. As I closed the door, I took a quick glance in the direction I had just came from and noticed that same person in the suit standing outside with their back towards me. This was getting a little too creepy for me. So I jumped into my car and drove as fast as I was allowed to away from the area. Being a little paranoid after the incident that just happened, I kept checking my rearview mirror to make sure I wasn’t being followed. So far so good. I seemed to be the only one on the road. Feeling a calm come over me and my paranoia subsiding, I turned on the radio to clear my mind. It was going to be a long drive and I needed my head clear. I was headed to Las Vegas with some friends. The plan was I was to leave Bakersfield by 12, pick up my friends in Barstow then make it to Vegas by 6 or 7. The plan was a sound one in my mind and I always liked sticking to a plan. But knowing my buddies, it wasn’t going to work out this way.

As I made my way to my house, I didn’t notice the black sedan following me. As I pulled into my driveway and got out of my car. The sedan pulled up blocking me in. As I was about to start yelling at them to move their car, a figure got out. I didn’t recognize the face but the suit was unmistakable. It was the person from the cafe! How did they manage to follow me home? I had made sure there was no one following me when I left. They must have been watching me for a long time before now. I was now frozen in fear. What was I to do? I could run, but where to? I wouldn’t make it inside, there wouldn’t be enough time to get my keys out and into the lock and unlock the door. I could run to my neighbors but they work during the day so the chances of someone being home to help was pretty slim. I had no options and if I did they were going away fast because this man was coming closer. The closer he got the more scared I became. This was not a friendly look character. He had jet black hair that had been cut clean and tight that parted on one side, his eyes were sunken in and he had a prominent brow ridge that cast a shadow over his eyes. His nose was wide and tucked close to his face. He had thin lips that neither made a smile or a frown. He had a huge scar that ran from his mouth almost to his ear. I swear he looked like he had just stepped out of a gangster movie.

As he walked closer, I wanted to scream for help but was afraid of what he might do to me. Closer and closer we walked and still I did nothing. If only now I had taken that defense class or maybe carried a gun, then I could have defended myself better. But no I didn’t want to, I kept telling myself that nothing would happen to me, I’m a nobody and not worth doing anything too. How stupid I was to think that.

Positive and Negative Energy and Emotions

 

 

A coworker today was talking about a book she is reading about how to get rid of negative energy and surround your life with positive energy and always being positive. This is a great idea, but there is only one problem, there is no way you can completely get rid of the negative energy in your life. No matter how discipled you are, human emotions will always run your life and keep you from being positive 100% of the time.

You always hear, get rid of the negative energy in your life or get rid of the negative people in your life. But this is impossible task to do. Everyone has their ups and downs and everyone will be positive at one moment and then be negative the next, do you really want to get rid of your best friend just because they are have a few days where they are being negative? You definitely don’t want to stop talking to them until they get positive, you could lose a good friend and plus they need someone.

You can try and control the negative aspects of your life around you but that is an impossible task as well. You can’t always control the things going on around you, or the people around you and how they act or speak. Like the computer that is running slow or crashing all the time. You can fix it but you can’t always control it from doing it again. The dog that’s misbehaving, you can try and train it but the dog has free will and could do it again, so you get rid of the dog then, right? I don’t think many people will do that. But the misbehaving is a negative energy. What about someone passing away? That’s negative energy at that moment that you find out. How can you be positive about that? So there is no real way to control the energy around you all the time.

Now let’s talk about the human emotions. There is no way one can control their emotions. There is no Vulcan in our society. What they are really doing is bottling them up the emotions from the negative energy and eventually they can’t deal with it anymore and they let it all out. It’s just a ticking time bomb waiting to happen. So trying to be positive all the time is not real. It’s a front that people try to put up. What it’s actually doing is hurting you. You need to feel all the different types of emotions from all the energies in your life. There is no way you can block out the negative, but what you can do is control how you react to it. Instead of throwing a punch or letting the fear get to you, you turn it around to something constructive or you face the fear. You be happy or you be sad and cry. But what you shouldn’t do is bottle it up.

So remember no matter what, there is no way to actually to rid your life of the negative energy, it will always be there, but how you deal with it is the key.

Birthday

Another year has passed and another age has come. Moving from the 20’s to the 30’s gets you thinking about things. Does this new set of numbers mean that I have changed in some way? Does it mean that I know more now? Am I supposed to act a certain way? Or do I just simply stay the same?

I’ve always been one that enjoyed my birthday because I’ve always liked the attention. I’ve always made sure to let people know it’s coming up and then look forward to the well wishes and gifts from people. Parties are always a must.

Now some people can not stand their birthday because it reminds them that they are getting older. But it’s not about getting older, it’s about celebrating being born. It’s about celebrating God giving you life here on earth. So don’t run away from birthdays, embrace them.

But back to the beginning, what does moving out of your 20’s to your 30’s really mean? For some it is about changing and acting more responsible. For me it’s about getting closer to having wrinkles and grey hair (which I do look forward to). It’s about people thinking I know what I’m talking about for the most part. It’s about being myself and accepting what life is going to be and not fretting over becoming older but instead continuing to act like a kid at heart.

It was also a time for reflection. I got to thinking back as far as I could and thinking about all the things that have molded me. Some good, some bad. But each one to make me who I am today. I also have wonderful friends, a great best friend, a perfect girlfriend and a loving and caring family.

So I’m ready to start my 30’s and make my life even more wonderful and can’t wait to see what happens, in life, in love, and in friendship. 🙂

Thought

It takes a real man to find the beautifulness in a woman at every aspect of her life, from covered in sweat after a workout to lounging about in pjs when she is sick, to the date nights and lazy days, to right when she wakes up with no make up and crazy hair and even when she may not feel the most beautiful. The real man will see the beautifulness in her always.

New Year, New Me

Tomorrow night will be the last night of 2017 and we will be moving into the new year. So that means new year resolutions being made. People starting over along with the new year. As we go into the new year, let’s not forget about this year and all the ups and downs that have made us who we are. For some it was a really great year, for others not so much. I know for me I had a really rough year, loss of a family member, divorce, finances. But as the year winds down there has been a lot of good. Great new girlfriend, great best friend, loving family, great job.

So what is my new years resolution? Working out? Eating healthier? Experiencing more? Actually mine is very simple, to continue to be nicer to everyone. It doesn’t cost anything and it can start a chain reaction from person to person.

Talking about my new years resolution brings me to my real reason I’m writing. Why do we wait to the new year to try to better ourselves? Is it because we are starting over the new year so we can feel like we can reinvent ourselves. But if you really want to change, then don’t wait for the new year. Do it that moment or set a date to start so you can prepare. You don’t have to wait for the start of the new year. If you truly want to change yourself then you should do it right away. After my divorce I wanted to change myself for the better. I didn’t wait for the new year. I got up and did it. I started doing new things and it seems that I’ve discovered many creative outlets for me. So never wait until the new year to start things even though I’m writing this the day before new years eve. But if you do wait for the new year or you do it the moment you think of it, then I wish you the best and if you don’t continue with your resolution, don’t think of it as a failure. Think of it as a learning experience of how to achieve your goal next time.  

“I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.” -Thomas A. Edison

“Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is always to try just one more time.” -Thomas Edison

“Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.” -Thomas Edison